I need a change

Let's see what happens!

All the Rest FALL BEHIND!!!!

Yesterday, my Fall 2008 neos made their first presentation to their campus at the ALFSA Open House. To say that I'm so proud of them would be an understatement. The sky's the limit, ladies. Do your thang!

Ee-Yip!

They always say, be careful what you wish for. You know the adage.

When it's cold, I'm always down at what seems to be a lack of, I don't know, having a life. I go from work to home to work to home to chapter meeting to home to work, repeat cycle. So, now that the summer's here, there just seems to be so much to do, and not enough time, energy or money to do it all.

But I never like to say no. I don't want to miss anything and I don't want to let folks down, so I go. Tired, weary and broke, I go. I enjoy myself, but I'll suffer for it later. I miss the Saturday mornings when I only got up if/when I was hungry. But now, there are things to do, places to be, people to see. I have to set an alarm. ON A SATURDAY!!! That's blasphemous by nature. But I wanted it, I wanted a life. I wanted to be in awe of all the things I have to do. To have to be selective in what I choose to do and what I turn down. A reason to grab my fairly new digital camera and take pics because I can.

But now, I'm tired. And that's not cool. I don't want to be tired. I have a vacation coming in less than 3 weeks. 21 days of not having to set an alarm. Except those day when I have to catch a flight. Because missing a flight, so not cool.

Two weekends left to take care of business before I go. This weekend, hectic. Next weekend, more of the same. No time for me. I never want for me time. Until now. I've got to learn to say no. Otherwise I might yes myself to death, or maybe just the poor house!

BABYGIRL - "DOMESTIC GODDESS"

Herein lies my first attempt at making fish cakes. So what there are only 3 actual cakes. I'll try again soon. Haven't tasted them yet. Should I be nervous?

UPDATE: They tasted delicious. Gotta try it again soon!!!

Yeah, so I've been lurking. Just haven't been in the mood to blog much.

Don't feel like a whole lot has changed since I last blogged.

I'm still single.

Still hate my place of employment.

Still single.

But I am 30 now. And while I enjoyed celebrating leaving the 20's behind, it didn't come and go without a little drama. Basically, I never plan anything for my birthday. I figure if I don't plan anything, when folks don't show up I won't be disappointed. But for the last 6 months all I hear is "What are we doing for your birthday?" and "You're turning 30 we've gotta do it up big!". Well, I didn't have do it up big money so I sent out an evite to 40 or so folks inviting them to hang out in the city on a Saturday night. Let's just say, disappointment likes to follow my ass. The irony is I had a ball with the people who came out. But folks I talk to everyday and spend ridiculous amounts of time with reason after reason for not coming through. I was upset. I didn't talk to anybody for a week unless it was about business. Not sure that accomplished a whole lot besides making relationships feel a little awkward. Sometimes, I just feel like people don't take me and my feelings seriously and that really sucks.

But now that it's all said and done, I look forward to what the 30's have in store. Not that my 20's sucked, but I don't feel like my life has progressed much either. Progression is necessary.

Legacy

First off, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! I've been gone for a minute so I'm not sure anybody still reads this. I didn't want to come back without being able to have a little more positive outlook on life. Reading and writing about the depressing things in my life just got, well, depressing.

But this is what forced me out of hiding! I happened to be surfing, which I rarely do. I usually visit the same 7 or 8 sites and check my email incessantly. But just so you know what "this" is, that would be what used to be my grandparent's house. I was upset when we weren't able to keep it in the family. I couldn't even walk through my old block once I knew the house had been sold. But then I saw this picture. And to see the before and after pic is just jarring. That house, that green house, was, for me, my family's legacy. Every good feeling I had about growing up came from what happened inside that house. My grandparent's legacy has to now live on through my actions because there's nothing physical to go back to. 179 Monroe Street is now nothing more than somebody else's address. A "fedders" house to pack more bodies into. Whoever has the address when all is said and done will never know the meaning it has for me. And I'm just offended by the eyesore that someone's building in the place where my mom grew up and then I turned around and did the same and then 8 years later my mom told me she was going to have another baby, where I developed my grandfather's love for jazz and baseball, where I crashed my wrist through the glass kitchen door the same day I took a Girl Scouts First Aid class and wrapped it up myself while my panicked aunt called 911, where my grandfather bought a sprinkler system so I could where my bikini in the backyard (I was 9!), where I spent many a night in the bedroom upstairs right above my grandparent's and had a bird's eye view of the entire block, where all the men wanted to kick me out of the room because I had too many questions while they were just trying to enjoy a football game, where my cousins came and watched Star Wars and Bruce Lee and Last Dragon day in and day out, where we met my Filipino cousins for the first time but I had to wear a scarf over my mouth because I'd contracted an infection and didn't want to make them sick. The memories are endless. Maybe that's really where the legacy lives. In the good, the bad and all the in between. The house was just a vessel. Right?

Dream a little dream of me...

Last night I had the oddest little dream. It was about me and my wedding.

Thing was, it wasn't really about me or my wedding. But I was there. In a dress that I couldn't even begin to describe. My bridesmaids, not mine. There were just five chicks running around in black dresses. Black -- so not a part of my ideal wedding color scheme. It seems my wedding was a black and white affair. Yeah, I so didn't vote for that.

Flower girls - two 13-year-old looking girls. Way too old to be my flower girls. What's worst - their attire. These two girls had on crisp white dresses with black opaque stockings. That's a fashion blunder in every day life. In my wedding??? A big no-no. And they had afro puffs. Not like Lady of Rage afro puffs. But whoever they're mama was could've holla'd at a straightening comb. I'm just sayin!

The groom - I couldn't tell ya! I didn't see him, I didn't talk to him. And since I woke up before the ceremony, I don't even know if he could kiss or not.

The only people in attendance who I knew were my godmother, my two godsisters, my godmother's sister and her youngest daughter. No mom, no dad, no brothers, no friends, no sorors. Nobody I would think to invite. And yet the church was filled with people. People I didn't know and people who didn't know me.

I woke up while I was in the bathroom (in the dream!!!). Someone was watching over me like they were afraid I was going to pull a runaway bride or something.

This was a little scary. Then I called Toe who told me she and Antoinette were talking about how when I finally meet Mr. Right, which right now seems like never, that I'll probably end up having a shot gun wedding. Mind you, I was planning on a long engagement since I know I want a big wedding but don't have big money.

I don't want anymore dreams like that. And I can't even blame this on what I ate the night before because I actually skipped dinner. Who knows?