Monday, July 11, 2005

Just flew in, and i wanna come over...

That would be the text message that greeted me when i awoke to a wonderful and warm Sunday morning. From whom was it sent? None other than Ohio. Ohio, whom I haven't spoken to since December 21, 2004. I remember that date so well because it was the day after I lost my grandmother and I'd called him for some emotion support. His response - "Let me call you back." Six months later, he just flew in and wants to come over. Date stamp on aforementioned text message - 3:14am. Somehow, I don't think he wants to come over to catch up on the last six months of my life.

I think I'm finally growing up. Because six months ago, I would've been excited to wake up and know that Ohio was thinking about me. But now, I'm 28 and life is just too short to allow people to come into your life with utter bullshit. It breaks my heart really because I really loved that boy. Thought about him constantly. Was willing to do anything for him without having a guarantee that he would do the same for me in return. Five years after I let him into my life, I'm no longer willing to give him a piece of me. Not even if it would make me feel good (physically that is!).

I battled all day yesterday with if and how to respond to this message. In the end, I decided that letting him know how much this message destroyed whatever "friendship" we may have had left was just not worth the hassle. Besides, why should I pay 10 cents to text message him letting him know that I think he's full of shit. My silence should send that message loud and clear.

I still miss him a little. Not like when we first hooked up. I'm curious what he's been up to and I just kind of miss him. But I know two things: 1)There's no future for us and 2)He will/can never treat me like I deserve to be treated. And knowing it, and finally accepting it, allows me to laugh at his message and keep it moving.