F.A.T.
Fabulous.And.Thick.
I want to own that word. Not give it the negative connotation it's held over me for 28 years. Right now, it ain't working.
Lately, for some odd reason, I've been kind of body obsessed.
A little background - I've been a big girl my whole life. And I do mean my whole life. I was the baby with those chubby cheeks that everybody wanted to pinch (still have them - thanks DAD!). I was always the fat girl in class. It bothered me when I was younger because what little kid wants to be teased. But I slowly grew out of that and learned to love me for who I am. All 40+BMI of me (you didn't really think you were going to get my actual weight did ya?). It's not really helping that I'm reading a book that's supposed to keep it real about black women and body image. I had to skip one entire chapter because it tried to correllate obesity with sexual abuse. It gave me a headache.
I'm not sure I have an excuse for constantly gaining weight. I like to eat. I hate to exercise. You need reasoning - there it is. But as I slowly start to approach the big 3-0, I have to start to seriously be concerned about my weight and my health. Not to mention, I have not been looking like my fabulous self in photos and that's a scary thing.
I've gained the reputation as a "diva" of sorts. People expect me to look and act absoulute FABULOUS. I expect me to maintain that reputation. But I just don't feel it. I look in the mirror and I don't see it. I'm not sure if my self doubt shows on the outside but I sho nuff feel it on the inside.
There are only 2 times I've lost weight in my life. The first was when I pledged and the second was my half-hearted attempt at Weight Watchers. It can be done. The question is can I do it?
I want to own that word. Not give it the negative connotation it's held over me for 28 years. Right now, it ain't working.
Lately, for some odd reason, I've been kind of body obsessed.
A little background - I've been a big girl my whole life. And I do mean my whole life. I was the baby with those chubby cheeks that everybody wanted to pinch (still have them - thanks DAD!). I was always the fat girl in class. It bothered me when I was younger because what little kid wants to be teased. But I slowly grew out of that and learned to love me for who I am. All 40+BMI of me (you didn't really think you were going to get my actual weight did ya?). It's not really helping that I'm reading a book that's supposed to keep it real about black women and body image. I had to skip one entire chapter because it tried to correllate obesity with sexual abuse. It gave me a headache.
I'm not sure I have an excuse for constantly gaining weight. I like to eat. I hate to exercise. You need reasoning - there it is. But as I slowly start to approach the big 3-0, I have to start to seriously be concerned about my weight and my health. Not to mention, I have not been looking like my fabulous self in photos and that's a scary thing.
I've gained the reputation as a "diva" of sorts. People expect me to look and act absoulute FABULOUS. I expect me to maintain that reputation. But I just don't feel it. I look in the mirror and I don't see it. I'm not sure if my self doubt shows on the outside but I sho nuff feel it on the inside.
There are only 2 times I've lost weight in my life. The first was when I pledged and the second was my half-hearted attempt at Weight Watchers. It can be done. The question is can I do it?
posted by BabyGirl at
2:03 PM
4 Comments:
Girl I so feel you. It's the reverse for me though. I had always been the skinny girl and suddenly I gained a fofillion pounds as I got closer to the 3-0. I don't even recognize myself these days and I'm well known Diva as well and I'm not feelin it so much.
I know I can do it, but the motivation to gym it everyday hasn't sprung up. Never mind my wedding next year.
We should do it together or at least try to. What say you?
Max, I am so down. I haven't joined a gym cuz at the moment my wallet has decided to give me a big ol'FUCK YOU after I've paid bills. But I'm trying to step up my walking game and iO, while good for nothing else, has a personal trainer station in its On Demand schedule. So kickboxing in my living room is about to be what's up!
Although I am a slacker...Do Tae Bo. It really works and yes...Billy Blanks is out to give you a heart attack!
So you saw Monique's FAT Chance also?
Word? I ain't know that. Girl thanks for heads up on the iO joint!
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